why can't I ever decide???

Where should I start from?
The beginning?
The end?
Or my favourite, The end with the beginning interleaved in between??
Maybe you guys are bored of the regular flow of thoughts.. So let me try to begin from the start..

THE BEGINNING:
Since times memorable, I have been struggling with the
'Decision-Making' problem!! Let me try to explain to you the nature of this problem [for all those who don't understand the plight of us on this side of the road]..

THE DEFINITION:
It is the condition in which the subject, in this case me, can't make a choice when faced with a number of options.. It is also characterised by lack of will to make decision.. The problem is aggravated when the subject is put in the field of a superior authority, like parents..
The superior forces heighten the anxiety levels and depreciate the confidence of the subject.. The affecting field is strongest if the superior force is DAD!!
The subject can deal with the situation the next time the same crisis arises with the previous pattern of trouble shooting, but a new decision making problem is a situation that can't be combated without the inclusion of all the symptoms, in other word the whole process is repeated every time a new crisis situation arises..

This definition gives a clear idea about the problem..

Starting from the beginning.. When I was a child, it was always difficult to decide on the flavour of ice cream.. That problem was debugged by tasting all the available flavours over the years and sticking to a Vanilla and Butter scotch flavours as the only two option to be considered in the same order of priority..:D

But what seemed so easy to solve in the childhood became even more serious and malicious as time passed by.. The simple problem of choosing the flavour gave way to the tough problems I faced every time I went to the market with DAD [the superior force] to buy anything.. I either like everything or nothing...:P

The problems in the beginning can some how be coped with by putting on a childish shy smile while DAD [the superior force] bought you everything with a grin.. I loved it till the problems were just about buying things..


As the range of 'Decision Making' problems grew, I found myself unable to deal with them anymore.. The shy smile was of no good help now, as the problems were tougher and DAD [the superior force] wanted me to be more responsible..

In class 10, it was the first time the 'Decision Making' problem was something I found out to be the most tiring and consuming thing I had ever faced and the realisation that there would be more of it in the following years made me wanna cry!! In class 10, DAD called for me and asked me - "What have you thought of your future? What do you want to do?" This question was never ever put forward to me in all these years of growing up!! I went to school because I was groomed for it in the initial years and later because I didn't want to be like the street children and later friends were the only reason.. Moreover, I knew it was something my elder sister is doing, so I should also do it [remember the sibling rivalry stuff I wrote about, where I explained that we want to be at least comparable to our sibling].. So this question was the driving force to make me go through the entire 'Decision Making' problem shooting process.. As I struggled to show I had already thought over it, DAD [the superior force] busted my cover story and asked me to DECIDE and tell..


For the following days, I came up with careers like astronaut, journalist [not TV journalists like 'SANSANI', but English Daily reporter], archaeologist, historian, even a politician etc.. As I tried to find the subject I loved, I zeroed on Social Studies, Mathematics, English and Science.. I then talked to my MUM about the choices I have made [It is safer to test your solution to the problem with this force before putting it forward the Superior force, DAD].. I told her - "MUM, I want to study Social Studies as my main subjects in class 11".. Before I could complete my sentence, I saw the brutal axe of reality check coming.. "Are you mad? What would you do? Will you go around wearing 'khadi' and carrying a 'jhola'? What is the future?", my mother asked me, trying not to make it appear as an angry comment.. I knew the Reaction of DAD [the superior force] would be even more fierce!!


So what did I do? I went by the decision my sister made indirectly, the decision was actually made by DAD!! I thought of letting the marks in 10th decide my stream in 11th and 12th.. The result was good.. And being characterised a brilliant student, I was some how destined to join the medical section.. So I some how didn't make the decision..

Then I completed my senior secondary and gave the Medical entrance exams and couldn't really make it to the elite colleges in Delhi.. The others were too far from home for an indecisive being like me.. So I found myself in another 'Decision Making' situation.. What next?


Well I was given practically an hour to decide.. With a mind dealing with the 'Decision Making' problem syndrome, I couldn't decide in just an hour and thus the decision was taken by DAD [superior force] in this case too.. So I dropped an year to try my luck and test my knowledge against another 2 lakh brains again.. Well, I didn't show much improvement.. Scored almost the same rank, not to get through to a medical college in Delhi.. But meanwhile I had taken a decision to give Engineering entrance exam a try too.. Once called a Math Genius, [if you don't believe me, ask my school teachers and classmates.. Some of them have stored my number by the name MATH..:D... For others still in doubt I can show my DMC to prove I am still too good at maths] I had neglected maths in 11th and 12th taking it to be an extra subject.. So I gave the engineering entrance exams with whatever knowledge of chemistry and physics I had and attempted only a few questions of math.. Good enough to get me a seat in this engineering college.. Its fine to be here then nowhere.. So I finally made a decision to join this course and college..


Successfully made this decision 3 years ago, I am again faced with another 'Decision Making' situation.. What after B.E.? Believe me, others in my class have already started their preparations for MBA but I with this syndrome, I am still in the thought process while the field of the 'Superior Forces' are increasing, I am in constant pressure to stand up for myself and decide!!!

[ I tried to model for the expressions I wanted to show, may not be as good as professionals]