Feeling Blue..

I am feeling too low.. Its a very peculiar thing, a kind of 'I am not liking anything around me' feeling, when you wish you could do something in this world that could make you happy.. I am feeling this way since Sunday morning.. Why? I wish I knew, at least I could fix it then!!

But feeling this strange vacancy inside is making me so damn sick.. Tried to gorge on food too to feel better [I know that's unhealthy, but what to do?].. This emptiness, this strange awkwardness and you can do nothing to fix it.. You just wish you could make yourself happy by swirling a magic wand!!

I am listening to these sad love songs, they seem to blend in with my mood [by the way, its a myth that this makes you feel even low, I think it makes you feel you aren't alone.. Think differently, is it my mantra? Don't know but it helps!!] I feel like crying and though it relieves me, but this relief is temporary and I feel this urge to find something else, something better, something that would last longer, maybe a life time.. I also call my friends and eat their brain by making them hear while I crib about these strange feelings, but I sometimes feel its too selfish an act!! I just want to sit alone in a lonely corner, thinking or sometimes just gazing at an empty wall.. My mind blank!! Something I am not used to!! I have something or the other cooking up in it.. Sometimes I plan my day, my life, my future or things I want to do.. Sometimes wonder how I would make my friends feel special, because they take great pains to keep me in the right spirit.. But this blankness, this silence, where I can't even hear myself thinking is like a 'Brain Death', how could this so complex thing, that forms a major chunk of my identity, just be so quite while I am famous for being a restless being.. I myself feel, I'll rest in peace only after my death, but this 'Brain Death' is so scary!! At least the dead don't feel it!!

I am particular a happy person.. I am loved by my friends and kins and there isn't a visible emptiness [told you I have an army of friends], so there isn't a reason to feel like that!! I get whatever I want [told you how DAD just loves to pamper me by fulfilling all my wishes], then what on Earth is making me so sick??

I wish I knew, but then have to find something to keep self busy and all cheered up.. Will let you guys know as soon as I discover.. [Some say I know my problems but don't want to acknowledge it.. Whatever be the case, realisation or acceptance, I am yet to come face to face with it.. Or at least have the heart to accept it..]