I know people around me feel I have anger management problem, but I feel its not a problem as long as you know its there and that its bad for you.. As I try everyday to control this anger, I feel I am empowering it more by letting it know that I fear it.. Anger, I am controlling it and I am quite successful so far as I know I can think about a situation with a calmer mind...
But what should one do when the one you trust makes you mad!!
One you regard as a friend, someone you love and care for.. Its the real tester.. As I did write about the fact that how one of my friends just cant let her mind rest in peace.. She is the reason of this little anxiety and discomfort I am in right now.. I have had enough discussions with her regarding this habit of hers... I don't know what's her problem?? I try to adjust but she makes me feel that I just can't fit in!!
No need to look at the above statement with doubt, I have done whatever I could to make it right, but seems that its going beyond what I can take on!! I did talk to Neha, who as I wrote earlier takes all the pain to keep things going, but this other friend makes it impossible to go on as one.. There are a number of issues and believe me I have adjusted far too much.. Whoever knows me knows it that I don't adjust beyond a limit.. I am not that super-flexible personality that takes on a lot of things and still puts up a nice smile.. When I am not amused, I show it ... Loud and clear and its time now that she tastes what she is putting me through all these years..
Adjustments are to be made by both and I am damn good with maths to know that she has done little to help it.. Just listening to me when I am talking isn't all that is required from a friend.. They need to understand too, not just hear you.. And that's where she lacks.. She hears me and doesn't understand me a lot.. Of course, she can make out the real meaning of my ever twisted sentences but the meanings, well I am scared they aren't perceived... Or not conveyed .. Its high time we clear this mess and know what's exactly is the problem - she not perceiving me or I am not conveying it!!
I feel I have good communication skills and I just can't believe that there is some fault with my transmission.. Well it clearly means the receiver is faulty, assuming air as the medium doesn't manipulate my words!!
Well I am not assuming anything and we would sit and conduct all the experiments in a controlled environment with the inputs from other associates to come to conclusion.. To know whose fault is it and can it be fixed?? Or is it an indication to let the lava flow into her ear and let her shed some tears.. I am being too cruel or rude but I am in pain and need something to soothe my aching nerves!!
My nerves seem to have calmed down a bit till the allergen strikes again to make me go mad again and I'll ensure that all lines of communication are intact and each and every word that I utter then is perceived and well understood followed by a "DO YOU COPY?" So I am not in a doubt about my capabilities again!!
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