Its morning..

I woke up at 5:30 in the morning and reached out for my mobile as I wanted to text 'Happy Birthday' to a friend as I feared forgetting about it as the day progresses!! I am particularly bad at remembering dates [told about my inability to recalls things word to word while certain people are expert at it.. As if they recorded that conversation!!] and its just a few very special people who receive a greeting from me without any external force [friends or reminders] telling me about it again and again..

As I tossed in bed for a few more minutes, I got a call from my friend who is back from a month's holiday abroad.. As the phone was on silent [I don't switch off my cell but do keep it on silent before stepping in my bed], I got to see her number in the missed calls list.. As I texted her, Welcome back and started to brush my teeth [I don't have anything, not even water before brushing.. I am so obsessed with brushing, that I don't even utter a single word till i brush my teeth], she called again.. As I picked the phone and struggle to say a 'Hi Baby' with the foam in my mouth, she giggled and asked me how was I and what I were doing.. As I spat the foam to speak, I was also laughing.. Told her I was brushing my teeth and had foam in my mouth and we laughed about the way I said the 'Hi Baby'..

Her happiness could easily be sensed from her voice and she poured the question 'Did you miss me?' into my ears that were waiting eagerly to hear her again.. As soon as I said yes.. She uttered her favourite words - "Gandi.. You missed me while I didn't forget you at all.. Everyone rightly says your are bad.. Even you are right when you say I am bad.. You just don't express your feelings rightly.." And so on as I tried to break into the conversation..

I know that I don't express my feelings rightly.. I just want the person to know that I love and I care with my actions and not through words.. I can't even do great demonstrations to show I love but I feel if there is a connection, feelings are conveyed.. If not, no amount of shouting out loud "I Love You' helps.. It doesn't click.. At least not for me..

Sometimes I do wonder if I really lack on this front?
Don't know.. So far I feel I have been demonstrative enough but if someone still can't see, then they are blind.. I can't do anything more to let them know.. I feel its better to move on then stick there and be in pain while the other person doesn't understand your position, doesn't feel your pain.. It hold true for any relation.. Any consuming relation leaves you good for nothing and as you struggle to set yourself free, you would experience a slightly elevated pain.. But believe me - No Pain, No Gain..

So as I share this bit of wisdom with you guys, I myself struggle to let go some things, some people I am holding onto so fast while they are slipping away or have already moved on..