thought process ...

As I sit to write this one, I don't have a topic in mind.. Nor have I thought of a title.. I generally decide the title and then start writing.. So I don't know what all I'll write about.. I am upset, terribly upset.. Why? I don't wanna go in that direction.. But yes, I do want someone to hear me.. It is sometimes difficult to find someone to talk to.. Considering the fact that I boast of an army of friends, its difficult to believe that I didn't find anyone to talk to!!
I could have talked to anyone of them.. But there was one problem or the other..

I was sleeping, well wasn't exactly sleeping, but was at least lying in bed, when my good friend Neha called me.. I talked to her and she told me about yesterday.. How she spent it and how she was a bit ill and is going to visit a doctor tomorrow.. Talk to her about my indifferent mood, I don't think that was a great idea.. She would think a lot, be upset and strain her nerves and be even more ill, so I just couldn't talk to her about my so bad state of mind, such a horrible mood.. I just wanna cry and thought I couldn't cry while talking to her on phone.. So trying to be as energetic as possible, I tried to let her hang up without any hint of my state of mind...

I then tried to talk to some other friend, but I don't confide in all.. So told him that I am not too happy, that I don't like anything now a days and he just said I am the problem.. [:)]
Yeah, I am the problem but I wanted to feel good but just couldn't so as I hung up, I was even more desperate for a hearty talk!!

So to feel good, or at least better, I called Shona.. She wasn't at her place and I couldn't talk to her either and now I am left with no option.. No one to talk to!! And thus I took up to write here on the blog to at least have the illusion of a hearty talk..

I am now talking to a college friend.. Its beginning to turn better but I don't think anyone else can help me.. Need something to just make me happy.. A magic wand... God, You listening??