I don't like an off when everyone is going to be at home.. Its a feeling I get after I had been wanting to spend time with everyone for quite sometime..
I think almost everyone has had such a feeling.. Its a feeling that you have when you don't want a thing you once wanted.. I get this feeling way too frequently.. I want something now and may be I won't like to have it the next moment.. Its worse when you get this 'I don't want it now' feeling when you have already got the object it signifies.. I have been dealing with it for way too long..
Once I wanted this dress, I was longing for it .. Thinking about it day and night.. And then I bought it.. And now, I don't want it.. I wonder, why I bought it in the first place.. What did I like in it?? This change of taste and attitude is sometimes harder to deal with.. [It was too easy to shut that dress off in some corner]
Its when you feel same about a living being.. Another human being for instance.. I think for a pet too, it would be a very taxing situation.. It may be the reason why my mum shudders even at the prospects of having a pet.. Though I promise her day in and day out that I would take responsibility of all the aspects regarding rearing and nurturing it, of its upbringing, to be more precise.. Oh god!! again I am wandering off the main topic..
I think its difficult to understand for a 'Die-hard Romantic', but others who are more realistic would agree.. We just wake up one day and all the love we had, I think it wasn't love, well, I feel liking is a better suited word.. The point is, we don't like it with the same zest anymore!! We may pretend to have the same feelings, but I feel this pretending won't hide the facts for too long!! Then you try to look at all the flaws and negatives about that person and are busy finding reasons to break free..
I feel, its in the best interest of both the concerned parties to come clean.. Just make them sit and spill it out in front of them.. Its always better to have a one on one conversation.. I would prefer to say it out once and for all to the person.. This way I would save self from being fake, [Oh!! I hate that fake smile that is supposed to mean approval or 'yes, I am paying attention to whatever you are saying', while all this while, inside I am feeling just the opposite].. I won't have to put up with someone I don't like..[You all know how much I dislike hypocrisy]...
I know, you must be thinking that its easy to be the one getting this, 'I am fed up feeling'.. Seems she has never been the other party.. I am not sure, if I were ever the second party, because no one ever had the courage to tell me that 'I am over you'.. Its not necessary that only a boyfriend has the right to say so, even your friends, teachers or just classmates can say this to you..
The point is I would like to hear the line with a reason, to a moron ignoring me day in day out.. I won't kill you for saying that certain aspects of my personality are just not that interesting to you anymore.. It would be nicer than blowing me off the handle every time we are together or I try to talk to you.. Walk up to me, tell your problem and we would see if we could fix it or not.. Whether its the final call or not.. Whether we can still adjust or ignore or accept it more gracefully or not..
I am lucky to have honest conversation with most of my good friends.. Some friends that I am no longer in contact with know why we lost touch.. They know why I wasn't talking to them or why I am not talking to them now.. Why I am angry.. And we try to resolve the matter or come to a compromise.. But I hate some who have left some question marks!! I don't know what went wrong.. I sometimes get upset over the fact that I don't know why it didn't work out.. I want answers.. I want replies.. I wonder for sometime.. Struggle to get it right.. Or know the reason.. And as it should be, one day just wake up without even a trace of it in my system.. Then, I don't want to know what happened, what could have it been like if we talked about it.. I am happy, I am not wasting anymore of my energy on a dead relation in my life.. I can now use this energy conserved to build another relation that I hope to nurture till I get that 'I don't want it anymore' feeling again!!...[;)]
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