Wrap up 2 - Ditched and lessons learnt.. Too many lessons, too soon..

As you know by now, I took up the HCL job and joined it in December. I was really happy to see an old college mate there. She had the consecutive roll number to mine in college. Seeing some known face in a crowd of strangers gives a strange reassurance that you aren’t alone in this phase of life where a number of things are changing. She knew a few more people there and before I could realise I was a part of a group, having fun and hanging out. The one month of induction was all about a hell lot of fun.

After December induction training was over, we were assigned to different domains. I and that girl got the domain no one wanted. Well that is when I saw favouritism playing an important role in corporate world. I think I learned the lesson way too sooner than thought. [I was taking movies as the reference point here] Well finally there I was in a domain that no one wanted to work in, though it turned out to be a fine field to work in later. But that was when I realised, friendship and staying together was all meaningless in this world of competition where everyone wants to be on the top, where everyone was way too keen to climb up the ladder of corporate world. She was trying to get her domain changed to security and didn’t even tell me. Was it the fear of me also wanting the same and acting like a competition for the so called single vacancy in security domain? I still can’t figure it out, if you want it and you are trying for it, then why hide it from a friend? Well what really hurt me wasn’t her wanting something she thought was better for self but it was the fact that she went to talk to the HR and when I asked her where she was going, she lied to me. She lied again when she got the call from HR to tell her that her request has been approved and she has to join the other office the very next day, I was with her during her conversation with the HR but she didn’t tell me. Come on now, I can’t take it away from you now. You have already got it.

The next day I went to office and people were asking me where she was and I was lying to save her. Then one guy laughed at me and said, she is in security domain now, working in other office, we know you are lying to save a friend, but your friend ditched you. I was hurt and I was angry. I wanted to prove the guy wrong and tell him that I know my friends, so I called her up. I asked her if she was in other office to join the security domain. She said a ‘yes’.. I was shocked and hurt and felt deceived. She asked me how did I know about it? I told her people told me and I know you got the call last night when I was with you. I even asked you why HR was calling you but you didn’t tell me. She still lied telling me she just came to know this morning, but still it is no excuse for not telling me first hand. She just accepted it when I called her to ask, probably because she couldn’t lie now.

Anyways, I moved on and it’s needless to say we aren’t really friends now.

But I did learn the valuable lesson that it is difficult to find friends in workplace where environments are really hostile and people think that they can move up only by displacing and out running others. But I feel there is enough space at the top as well and that it isn’t really a pyramid, but a tree that has many spots at the top.

I also learned that this crazy ambition to be the lone occupant of the top slot even alienates friends..!!

cooking for self and flatmate

Living alone is both a blessing as well as a pain. The fun part is you get to make your own decisions, you can come and go as and when you feel like and the new found independence gives you a lot of privacy to discover self, your weaknesses stare you in the face and you overcome them with your existing strengths or you develop a mechanism to grow some solution and backup for these problems. You also learn to manage budgets and become money-wise.

Well I guess I am running out of pluses right now, but right now I can easily count the negatives of living alone. The budget always acts as a constrain, I keep wondering where did all the money go every time I see my balance. This isn’t the only problem. You have to feed yourself and even a maid or cook can’t really help as your dependency on them makes you feel crippled if they don’t show up even for a single day and you also end up cursing them, which is again a bad habit to pick.

Generally my flatmate takes care of cooking, but she is out again and today too, I am going to cook. I am getting a little more confident with cooking now. After cooking I’ll catch up ‘Final Destination’ on television. J

Daily Journal

Just wasn't feeling like going to office today. It’s not like I don't like going to office but I was so deeply engrossed in the movie that I didn’t want to miss it for anything in the world. Ok, I agree I am exaggerating, but I really wanted to see it to the end. So there I was waiting in breaks and looking at the watch and completely forgetting about it during the time it was on.. :P

I even thought of calling in sick, but then felt it wasn’t really worth it. What the hell would I do the rest of the day..!! On a serious note it was more a feeling of not doing anything towards the final goals in your life. I am more of a restless and hyperactive person and doing nothing kind of freaks me out. The call in sick was just a momentary thing.. :P

Anyways, so I finally watched the movie and went to office. I reached the office, started with the day’s jobs and then this guy walked up to me and told me the blunder I have done.. I know you aren’t getting what I am saying, so let’s go back in flashback.

Back to October 7, 2011 [you thought it was long way back in past, didn’t you.. :P], I got a cubicle, my own place in the office. I didn’t have any permanent my seat till that day, so it was a great deal of thing. This seat was occupied by someone else before me, so it still had a few machines and stuffs lying around. I asked if I could get rid of all those machines and set up my systems there. I got the nod and got to work. Set up my new desk. Get all the accesses and working from it, though, some of the things are still pending, but all was so good and new. I like the seat as well, it is nice and has a little privacy as well, so it’s cool.. ;)

Back to present, he is a little angry because, it was his machines and he needed them to be running. I took permission, but then, none of us was aware of the importance of the machines. But, what’s done is done and I can’t take it back. I can’t take away the pain of setting it up again and running the processes. Learnt an important lesson, never unplug any machine that is running before you got into that spot.

Rest of the day was more like a hyper active day and I was just dancing to my favorite songs all through the day. It feels good to keep dancing and not worrying at all about anything. I know one thing for sure, I like working here. And I love the way I can sing a song out loud, though some people make the “sush” voice, but I guess it’s alright as long as I don’t sing out loud, I can dance and keep working. No one really bothers as long as you are working. J

Some of the works are still pending for me to resume working normally but I guess they’ll be done soon and I would be back on my feet sooner than I thought. ;)

[I just got the confirmation for the approval of the little issues I had and I can work effectively now] J

A little wrap up....

I haven't written for a while, but that doesn't mean I wasn't really feeling anything or not getting any new experiences.. In the past year, I have graduated from my engineering college and have switched two jobs and moved away from Delhi to Bangalore..!!

Yeah, I also know that two jobs in less than an year is way too much. But I guess being in the wrong place is worse.. I was more than too stressed in the last few months of engineering.. Had lots of hatred for lots of people.. Lost the "so called friends" to be left with only "Real friends". I was apprehensive about finding a job, fretting about the future, wondering if pursuing a MBA was a better choice than my choice of getting a job right now.. [I know I get way too many decision time cramps, but I guess it isn't that uncommon for the rest of the people]..

Recalling it all, I wonder at the anxiety levels I had, though I always pretend to be way too cool to worry.. But then the truth is I was nervous and anxious, [I know, I have grown up in terms of taking responsibility for my actions and choices] and I can admit it now, thanks to the new found confidence.
[Yeah, I guess I was a little on the side of being over confident with strong undertones of being ignorant]. I gave my first interview in February. It was a joint campus recruitment process [and the only one in which my college would participate], I was kind of over confident and too rigid and tough. I cleared the written exam [ I know lot of people there couldn't believe I made it to the list]. I don't think people thought I wasn't intelligent, but people do thought I wasn't serious enough to care to prepare. The truth is, I really didn't prepare. It was an easy paper and not having the pressure to perform maybe made me come out a winner, after all it was just easy elementary maths..

Anyways, I always knew that campus recruitment is the easy way to job market. It generally doesn't have a rigorous technical round and the number of aspiring candidates are from the same background, people whose capabilities you are aware of and the best part, the college name doesn't matter as you all belong to the same level, no one is from a better college.
It was an Infosys drive, I was called for interview, but I guess my honesty killed me there. I was giving my biased answers, my thoughts rather than the well knows "Yes Sirs" and the familiar nodding in with the interviewer even if you have a different stand on the subject. I still don't consider changing any of it. [ You may say, its because I have a good job now, but trust me, I didn't regret doing any of it then as well].. It was more than an year back and I still remember all the answers I said to his questions. He wanted to know if I would take decisions [Yeah, my most dreaded area, an area I generally don't like to explore in anxiety].. I can't explain without quoting the question.
He had asked me a situational question-"you are in Delhi, your parents are there in Jaipur and want you to come there as soon as possible. How would you proceed? What would you do?"
The obvious and interview time answer would be, "I would catch the first plane to Jaipur and go.." How convenient. If asked to elaborate, you would tell you would inquire about the available flight and if nothing is available for the next 6 hours [which is approx. the time taken by car/bus to reach Jaipur], you would take the bus or train.. [Trying to show that you weighed the options].. If I knew the answers, then why didn't I say so? You can call it my habit of doing thing my way or being adamant, but the thing is the answer I wrote above isn't the way I think or approach things. If I said so, got selected, I guess he didn't hire me, but someone who would give the popular google answers. [Yes, I also turn to google for answers and over the last year I have realised the Google potential to influence learning, but sometimes the answer should come from you, the solutions to problems are based on situations and something that was a hit for others might not be a hit for you.] So I still feel that people who want to hear google answers should in fact hire google.
What answer did I give? Well I said.. I'll call my parents to know "Why they want me there in the first place?" I am no movie star to just run to catch a plane. I would then weigh my options, both in terms of finances and time spans and then decide my mode of commuting between the places. And he thought I was indecisive and didn't hire me. No problem, he got people who won't think twice, would just run to any random place catching flights for even the minutest of issues that can be resolved on phone, saving time and money.  I don't hold grudges, but still not being hired because of a lame reason like this felt bad. I was upset and even considered saying the answers that would please the ears of people, the answers I call 'Google answers'. But, I decided against it. [See I can very well take decisions..lolz]

Anyways, the next chance for interview came much later in August. It was for HCL Technologies. It was through an online exam conducted via some organisation AMCAT. I cleared the written and then went for the interview. It was long queue and lots of wait later, I finally got in.. I hate such interviews where you are competing with people from all over India. [The elite colleges aren't there but then there are thousands of others from colleges like you and the scary part is you can't guess there potential to boost self].. Anyways, we went in for the technical group discussion. Yeah, and that too in a computers subject, which you didn't read, [I was an electronics and communication student] so it was a disaster though I tried correlating stuffs.. But I guess it was bound to happen, I wasn't shortlisted.

Then came my next chance in September. I was called for interview at Ericsson's. It was a dream to work there for all the ECE students. I was happy. The mail didn't detail the fact that interview would be conducted the same day as written and thus I went in casuals without my mark sheets.. There I wrote the exam again, cleared it again with great score and there I was 2nd in line for the interview. The interview was more than 30 minutes long for the first girl and people were staring at me as I was the only one in casuals and about to go in for interview. I was getting nervous now. I wasn't properly dressed for the interview and I wasn't carrying my mark sheets. The first girl came out, said the guy is too strict. I was even more nervous now. I somehow went in After the initial greetings my interview started. It was a going good technically but my body language was a little too nervous and I was lacking confidence. It was a stress interview and I had my break down. I cried. Interview ended after I answered the question right. The HR was announcing the results and then asking people to either leave or sign the documents stating they were hired. He announced my name and asked me to wait as he wanted to talk to me. He asked about the interview and then he asked me if everything was fine and if I had some family problems for having a break down. I didn't lie. I could have, but I felt it wasn't necessary. He then gave me a very valuable feedback, something that would change the way I would appear in any interview there after.. He told me that I was too good, too technically sound and I should have been confident, not worrying about not being in formals or not carrying my mark sheets.. Sometimes the greatest opportunities walk your way when you are least prepared, so always keep your calm and have faith in your knowledge. He asked me if I were him, would I hire self? I could have said the "Pursuit of happiness" kind of answer, but I nodded a NO. Its the truth, I wouldn't have hired that version of me, probably a positive reaction from my side would have helped me get hired, but I guess I wasn't still prepared. Then he also said, you were good, but you can't handle too much of pressure I guess and wished me luck for the future. He didn't hire me, but I don't think he was wrong, as he wasn't really expecting the known answers but wanted me to show I learnt the lesson.

Well, it was November and I was still jobless and directionless.. I then got another call from HCL. This time it was for the Infosystems branch rather than technologies. I went there wearing a casual shirt over jeans. I cleared round one than two and then round three was technical. I was a little freaked but then talking to a fellow interview candidate made me calmer and I rocked the interview. I then cleared the HR round and I was finally hired in November and the joining was in December.

So many things change within a blink of an eye and you never know what the next thing in life would be, but sometimes these things mean a lot more than plain words that you love to bring up in conversations when someone asks about what you have thought about your future..!!

I hate the 'What next question' more than anything in this world..!! What next, can never be planned and all my plans and expectations are panned within a blink of an eye, so what I fear more than the thing that would happen next is the thought of trying to think and make up a plan for the glorious 'what next' questions..!!!

One day you want something and the very next day you repent what you just wished for.. In this manner even wishing is turning to be too difficult for me..!!! Ohhh, How I wished to get back home and now how I wish to go away again.. How I wished to work and than how I wished not to work..

Well, I did land myself a job but I did also land myself a lot of problems that I didn't see.. I am yet to join and I am excited but I am a bit tensed too because of these recent developments.. I wonder why can't we have a few things easy in life and why is every easy thing comes with a lot of hidden potential terror invoking little things that grow up to be monstrous and that tend to gulp down their throat the little happiness the easy thing brought..

While I try to figure out things and devise a plan, [which I also know is futile], but then the only thing each of us tries to gain after a storm is stability and the previous state.. While I look around to find that little thing that makes me forget it all, I wonder when I would have something that would make me want to write again..!!!

[ I even forget my password by the time I think of just writing it and letting it out... :P]

Delhi Rains and the threat of flood..

Its raining cats and dogs here in Delhi for almost a month now.. As the news of Yamuna approaching the danger sign of 204.83 meters started doing the rounds, I found my parents glued to the news channel following every centimeter rise in its level.. As you might have concluded by now, I want to clarify, No, I don't stay close to the banks to justify this sudden urge to check the water level every few minutes.. It sometimes was at a as small interval as 15 minutes..!!

As I found myself struggling to change the channel, I wondered why was it so important to them.. Then came the news of water level over and above the danger sign.. The news channel declaring how water has been gushing towards Delhi from the Hathnikund barricade and how it would reach Delhi by Tuesday morning.. Ooohhh.. It was suddenly all everyone talked about.. Even my friend who keeps a regular tab on all the latests happenings in the world talked about it, making it seem like the most important thing to discuss.. Like one of those hot topics that you discuss just to show off that you are an aware an informed person..!!

While we joked about being dead in a few days to even concluding that may be the news channels have finally rightly predicted the date life would end on planet Earth, and even discussing what we wanna do before we are dead.. I wondered if it was really something to fret about or was it just another issue blown out of proportion, I decided to investigate..

Okkkk, I exaggerated but still watching an hour long special episode on the news channel on a matter that can be stated in 10 minutes by repeating all the facts twice is really a tiring and exhausting thing, equivalent to visiting the place and collecting all the data yourself.. The same tiring video clip being played more than 15 times whilst all your real concern is being replaced in quick succession with a sarcastic humor when you find yourself mocking the plight of others..But then the insensitivity of the news channels either force you to change channel or change attitude and since I can't do the first, I do the second to comfort my wounded self..

So as I saw the recognizable old Yamuna Bridge that was constructed in 1866 by the British East India Company to connect Kolkata and Delhi via Rail, [I love to look up for the most talked about things on the internet, ohh how much I love the internet age, but then I'l talk about it some other day], I wondered that for a change the chosen location was just apt to present the news.. As they stated filling us with all the information about the danger level of the river and the reasons for this potential threat, I was deeply engrossed in collecting as much information as possible, and NO, u are wrong, not to brag about it but just for the love of it.. But to make it grow ugly, they embarked on their overexploited road of repeating and our focus stated shifting to the clipping of the water level and the bridge and then came the unexpected comment from the mother, 'The water at the other end of the river is more than at this end closer to the screen'..

What on Earth was it? You want to say the river is tilted to the end these guys are shooting from? I wonder what was the humor in this sudden and abrupt line that she spoke so effortlessly as if it should invite applaud and I struggled to digest..!! I didn't want to start one of those great arguments by retorting to it, s I kept mum.. While all day she kept switching to the damn news channel to see the bridge drown in water!! Who on Earth is so obsessed with the Yamuna Bridge drowning down? I feel someone should write this song as it has great potential.. While I heard the water levels rising to 205.34 than to 207.05 meters, I also got to know the last time high was 207.49 in 1978 and wondered if the crossing of that mark now in 2010 was anticipated by all? What if Yamuna actually crosses that mark? Would we rejoice and perform some firework or will we all just go ringing breaking another benchmark of maximum calls in a day when all the networks were jammed? As I pat my back such a mind blowing thought, I think I should talk about the end too..

We watched the news channels flashing pictures of drowning homes and helpless people tenting besides the National Highway while my mother kept remembering the names of all the towns and the latest water level in meters.. The reporters in waist high stagnant water telling us how difficult it is for people in such conditions while government isn't actually doing anything.. A reporter again tickled the funny bone when he announced how the 'Coolar' right besides him drowned as water level kept rising since morning..!!! As if he was standing there since morning just to watch that coolar drown!!! As if it was the most important thing and I even wondered if he had any intentions of saving the Drowning Coolar which he just watched as it drowned..!! [:P]

Well by Wednesday morning the water level finally started receding and again my Mother was glued to the news channel to know about every centimeter decrease in the water level of Yamuna till it finally was below the Danger level of 204.83.. [:D]

I just learned another aspect of human tendency and a few facts about the Danger level, the all time high ever touched and I also learned a little bit about the Old Yamuna Bridge.. [:P]

I need more motivation to keep writing..

I always tell myself that I would be writing more often but I end up staying aloof.. I took up writing here just to let out all that I have buzzing inside my head everyday, but then I wondered if talking about real people in the virtual world with regards to my real feelings for them would create too much of a mess, just like in that Disney movie I saw..!!!

In the movie, the main female protagonist based her book on real life characters, instances and incidents.. To try and act a little smart, she gives all the people fictitious names but soon the cover was blown and everyone was upset with the way they were perceived by the writer.. So, in the end, everyone is upset for their interpretation by her and she, well she is alone.. And may be I just don't want to follow her footsteps because we all know life isn't a Disney Movie with a happy end..

I am not afraid of telling people what I think of them but then writing it down here and making it an unchangeable piece of document [though we can always edit whatever post we made, but then taking it back or editing it won't heal the wound].. I am worried about hurting someone with my harsh words when I am angry.. I do it too often and then writing them here and posting it will make it an irreversible process, because I would have made my remarks [that were nothing more then harsh words from a wounded heart] even more insulting and impactful.. So I end up burying it deep inside my heart or just talking to a close friend and crying over the phone till my mouth is dry and my eyes are sore..!!

But some who deserve my wrath for hurting me are also spared because I am more humane than they are and I don't want to inflict the ultimate insult on them where even total strangers and calling them names and cursing them.. Moreover, I am least interested in invoking this kind of sympathy.. I am not really a sympathy dweller who tries to gain acceptance from random strangers and feel better about themselves.. If I feel I am right, I am right, if I feel I am not, I try to make it right.. So while I still try to validate bashing people I dislike here in the virtual world, I would go back to the world to find the reasons to do that.. [:P]

Hatred ..

I wonder if we can ever justify this human trait..

Sometimes we blame it on their behavior, sometimes on plain negative vibes we receive from them, but we all talk about it at some point of time..

Who do I hate? Its not important.. What is important is why we tend to justify it?

Just because we were taught that in school that it is a negative trait and now since we feel hatred and others can very well notice it, that we try to justify it?

Or is it because we want to still feel good about ourselves.. The point is same, its just for those who say, 'they don't care about what people think about them'..

While I try to go into the emotion, I wonder why is hatred such a bad thing?

I hate so many things and a few people too.. But something must have gone wrong to trigger this in me.. Similarly, all the movies would be pointless if there wasn't this hatred thing.. Imagine any movie and it is the hatred for crime, the revenge or just the dislike the Villain or Hero have..!!

Well, my point is, hating something is cool, but you should always keep a check on the feeling as we all know from our practical experiences that 'Excess of everything is bad'.. ;)

Random..

Didn't had much to write all these days.. Was wondering what people like about Twitter.. Facebook though did take over my life to a great extent.. Twitter wasn't as fascinating as I thought it would turn out to be.. Whatever may be the reason, I am again feeling like writing and thus I am back to my favorite place to write, 'Blogger'..

Wondering if in this world of virtual connections, are we loosing on the man-to-man touch?

Now a days, a 'Hi' on Facebook has replaced extensive plans of trying to meet your friends and loved ones.. A means to stay in touch or is it just an illusion to console self that we have hundreds and thousands of friends who we talk to once in a while [though I don't count these occasional 'Hi's' and forced chats as any kind of conversation, until both the parties are equally enthusiastic and willing].. Whatever the case may be, people ask about your email id so that they can keep in touch with you on Facebook..

I sometimes feel like deleting a few contacts that I added just not to hurt their egos, [come on, we all know how we are somehow forced by a force that makes us add the Not-so Friendly Jack, the Authoritative-Senior, the Dumb-Junior, the Trashy-B***h in class that you hate so much, but you accept all their friend requests because either you want to test how much of them can you bear in life, as if you were out to see the compatibility for a prospective marriage or you are so kind not to press the ignore button or sometimes just to avoid a scene and unnecessary fuss that would be generated as you aren't interested in being friendly and are very unsocial and barbaric person who wants to live alone.. And yes, you would see those Over-friendly people that stalk you in the real as well virtual world..

The biggest problem generated I feel is the race of 'PSYCHO BOYS' that are telling you how troubled they are, how they want to end their lives and how you girl are their saviors, what I wonder is why don't they let a boy be their savior.. Are we girls any better at wiping tears and blowing their noses? They are emotional parasites and I would advice all you people out their to evade their kind..!! There is also a breed of 'CRYING BABES' who are troubled and would try to capitalize the generous guys out their whoever lends an ear.. So take care, and stop being their Agony aunts.. Just show them the door because more often than not, they are faking it and dwelling on the softer side of you that is empathic and you stress yourself wondering if they are fine and they just go on and on about how miserable they are with a smile [remember, you can't see them as they write 'SOBBING']..

So as we discover the potential threats and problems that this social network is bringing with it, we'll continue to pretend being social and friendly.. ;)

I love it when my friends want to see me on a short notice..

I love it when I get a call from my friends asking me to meet them at a short notice..
It happens a number of times and I love it this way..

Yesterday, I was just sitting idle and watching the idiot box when my phone started ringing, I saw Pallavi calling, flashing on the screen.. I answered the phone to discover that she was nearby and was hoping to see me.. I immediately got up and got dressed to meet her..

While I love to receive these random calls to meet my friends, I love it more when they give me half an hour's notice so that I can bathe.. [:D]

Last time when Kannu and Mehak showed up, I was yet to take a bath and I ran to take a bath while they kept calling and saying, where the hell on earth are you.. You don't have to take a bath as we aren't fresh ourselves and moreover it was early morning.. I somehow took a bath then and then we hurriedly zoomed off to Kannu's.. It was one hell lot of a day, a sleep over at a friends is always great fun.. Gossiping throughout the night, doing crazy little things and even massages.. We gave each other a nice hair massage.. [:P]

But yesterday, it was all together a different story.. Shweta and Pallavi were expecting to see me in the evening and the lazy me was yet to take a bath.. Since they were almost there, I hurriedly changed into a casual wear than my pyjamas and headed straight to meet them.. As we exchanged pleasantries, we decided to rather go to the nearby complex to grab a quick brunch while we chatted and giggled..We headed to the 'Subway' and it wasn't a pleasant experience.. In fact it was rather a bad choice we felt in the end.. The music was really boring.. The tracks they played were damn irritating sad songs of 90's.. Oh, I can't explain how much I hate them.. I just can't tell you how irritating those 20 minutes in the 'Subway' were like!!! To add to the nasty experience was the strong smell of food.. I know its an eatery and it ought to smell of food, but the smell of the sauce and cream made me feel like puking.. We didn't feel like finishing our meal and headed straight out to the 'Paan Palace' to try a chocolate paan.. Well, I was still not able to get over the burger smell and I didn't try it but my friends did find it good and I thought of giving it a try some other day..

But one thing is for sure, standing at the 'Paan palace' was much better than sitting inside the subway outlet.. The fresh air that wasn't stale with the food smell and the quite atmosphere was more of a relaxing experience than the irritating music that played inside Subway!!!

I don't think I can ever step back into another subway eatery outlet now.. These memories are still going to haunt me for quite sometime now..!! [:P]

Another off and some strange thoughts..

I keep wondering what is it that I dislike so much about having nothing to do while I sometimes feel the monotony of a scheduled life is no fun.. I don't like having too many offs but too many working days also add to the tensed hours spent in the sweaty and hot rooms.. It feels so suffocating in these hot Indian summers and with temperatures soring to 40 in March itself, I wonder what June is gonna be like!!

I wonder what I feel about college coming to an end!! I sometimes feel it isn't going to affect me and sometimes I feel, I won't be able to take it.. The true feelings would surface only when we wont be going to that place again and won't be seeing each other any longer..

I sometimes feel I won't exactly miss my college because there isn't much to miss but then I realise I'll miss my classroom, my friends and classmates.. I wonder that even the creeps in the class would be missed for being so damn good irritating creeps..!!![:D] OK, I agree I am acting too sarcastic here but I think we miss the enemy too as they made us realise the worth of friends who we don't exactly miss as we find means to stay in touch..[:)]

But I think we all ignore the irritants who made us bond so well against them.. How much we hate the creeps in our class, everyone would agree.. We use their name as some kind of an insult.. [:D] Its fun how they unite us against them in the hours of a need, like the desperate need to take a break, or bunk a class.. How they are abused in complete synchrony and how we later laugh at such incidents.. I think I am being too mean today, but its just a momentary thing and soon I'll be defending them here when I would be pitting them..[:)]

I am not immature.. I sometimes feel like shouting out loud..!!

I have recently realised that it is fine to be treated like a child but it really hurts a lot when someone treats you like an immature person..

All this while, in all these years of growing up, I was always treated with lots of love and care.. All my friends have always treated me as a kid, a child who needs to be protected, needs all the care and attention and all the pampering.. It Feels great being treated like the spoilt child of the group, being cared for, when even all your friends fulfill all your wishes and cater to all your whims and fancies.. I was always raised with this feeling of being special and I love all my amazing friends for still caring for me as if I were a kid.. I loved being treated like the delicate kid, the innocent sweet child..

But recently, I am feeling some of them treat me like an immature person and its really not elating!! [:(] I don't like that some of them don't ever take me seriously and think I am always kidding or fooling around.. I am not stupid and out of my mind, I love the care and attention showered on me but I am not an attention seeker, I am dead sure I am not, if I were one, I would accept it like any other of my faults that I am not shy of accepting as when you know your faults, you can work towards correcting them but that is not the point of discussion.. The point is even if I sound silly and stupid, I am immature.. I may not fret about things, may not even give them a slightest thought sometimes because I don't find them worth worrying about and loosing my precious mane, [ U know how much I love my hair, btw, got a new cut last month itself [:)] I know its quite old a thing to mention but I am so in love with the new cut, that I can't help talking about it [;)]].. Look how I easily drift off the topic but this doesn't mean that I am not sensible not to come back, a few wandering moments make me fresher and add a new zeal and some fun in even the most irritating discussion.. Don't you think laughing in the middle of a fight is fun? I find it funny and cute and I do it many a times, lucky me that not many of my beloved friend find it irritating.. Touchwood..!! But I am realising it that people have now started expecting some maturity and sense of responsibility in personal matters.. I value all the relations but can't act all serious all the times, some don't seem to realise it.. It sometimes hurt, but hope they don't burden me with emotions and let me enjoy my strange ways and right to feel free and act randomly.. [:]

{Photo courtesy, its source}

Haven't really got a chance to write for a few days, there are several reasons..

Let me give a brief updates of all the happenings and my own opinions about them :-

1. I had hurt my toe very badly.. It is still blue in pains a little.. How did it happen?
Well, I and Kannu and a few others were going to treat ourselves with chocolate and our college is constructing a new block replacing our beloved greens [I don't like my campus much now, the greenery is shrinking even on the campus under the greed of the management].. The grills uprooted from my beloved 'Bridge' are lined together at various points to restrict entry, but I decided to take a short cut and in the process landed the heavy grill on my toe.. A few minutes later, i was carried to the hospital, taken around the entire place in a wheel chair and I did enjoy the ride though [;)], but my friends concern for my injured toe made me feel even more important part of their lives.. I even feel in the classroom after injuring my toe and finally was again taken to a hospital go get an X-Ray done and finally was dropped home by overtly concerned friends.. The next one week was spent recovering and basking merrily in all the attention and care I was getting.. Oh, I loved it all so much..

It was all the good part.. Yeah, injuring my toe was really the good part..

2. Picking up fights with friends and people I care for.. Somehow things aren't falling in place and I end up fighting with people.. 'Jai' is a little too tensed herself and I she talks a little too less now.. As far as I am concerned, may be even I have changed a bit, but then that's life.. The college is getting over and things and people and conditions and circumstances are changing fast and I am just trying to deal with it all.. [:)]

'Save the men' campaign..

Everyday in the television I see the 'Save the Tigers' campaign ads but I wonder why isn't anyone bothered about the people starving to death in Orissa?? I wonder if the government should launch a campaign to help these poor men meet the basic necessities of life, the right to livelihood..

Just read in the newspaper today how people in Orissa are dying of prolonged malnourishment.. In some of the places like Kalahandi, Balangir and Koraput, more than 70 percent of the household come below the poverty line.. the primary health care facilities is also poor in such areas where people are dying of malnutrition and anaemia..

While everyone is coming up and associating with the 'Save the Tiger' campaign, i wonder if we would love to associate with the cause of eradication of poverty.. I read people's concern for stripey, the cub, shown in the ad where a very concerned Kabir Bedi wonders if the cub's mother would return while there are so many orphaned children in Orissa who have seen their parents and siblings die of chronic hunger.. While India boasts of a growth rate of over 9 percent, I wonder if people still don't even get enough to consume food that could give them 850 kilo calories a day, for how long can this rate be maintained??

I do sympathise with all the tigers in the world but I think it is easier to relate to the pain of fellow human who can express themselves like we do, who we can communicate with, who we are biological identical to.. I wish the government also takes notice of the plight of the motherless children of fellow men and raise a campaign to help them get a better life, get them their right to live..

Why do people ought to have an opinion about you??

In the past few days I had been hurt a lot..
Yes, It was a real bad week that somehow ended and I am feeling a little better now.. Not because the issues have been amicably settled but because I am bored and tired of wondering over what prompted them to have such opinions about me!!


It started with knowing how my good friend still doesn't understands me.. She still judges me for whatever I say.. It hurts to know that you can't be yourself even in front of your friends while most of the time you act according to the socially acceptable norms and thus the lone time with friends is cherished by all as you know you wont be judged for a nasty comment, a little bitching that you do!! I thought over the years we have come to know each other so much that she knows when I am kidding and when I am not, when I am just commenting just for the heck of it, when I am damn serious but I recently discovered that all this time I was being judged and I was being characterised rather than just being accepted as who I was!! Hurts to know it when some good friend of yours still tells others that you are a mess..


I feel so betrayed, so hurt because I don't open up to strangers, not many know all aspects of my personality as I don't like being judged on my way of saying things, my arrogance, my ignorance, my views, my dreams and my fears and weaknesses.. But it feels so vulnerable when someone you trusted enough to know your silly side was judging you all the while!!


Somehow I was coming to terms with it when I came to know someone who I don't even talk to is telling my other best friend that she doesn't like me and my good friend as both of us are so pompous and arrogant and so not her type.. Why the hell would I care if you don't like me.. Its not my problem babe.. I wish such back bitters had the courage to stand up to me and tell it to my face and then I would teach them the most important lesson of their lives, that no one gives a damn if you like them or not.. Those who matter would tell it to your face and those who don't can bark their throats out and I don't care for their strained vocal cords!! As if I asked them if they liked me.. As if it makes any difference to me, be jealous and go to hell, you can't be like me nor change me and I am immune to your negativity..


This just makes me wonder why do people make opinions about others without even knowing them, I don't even talk to this chick.. The only thing is that she is jealous that my friend who was earlier her companion in the bus now doesn't care to hear her crap and this is how these jealous people channelise their negativity.. But in the process they lose whatever little dignity and respect they had!! Had she kept her disapproval of me to herself, I wouldn't have found a reason to hate her more.. I'll look forward to see her all irritated face when no one talks to her as she is someone who can't cherish the beautiful bond of friendship.. If you ever read this chick, I want you to know that no one in your class or the bus likes you and everyone hates your attitude.. The world won't revolve at your will, learn to control your tantrum throwing ways or one day you'll be thrown out of this group you think you are a member of while people hate you and are just suppressing the feeling they get when you act like the nerd and bimbo that you are.. [:P]


And as far as I am concerned, I don't care about people like you, if you don't like me , better keep off me because I don't like people like you and I have already shown my disapproval..

I am upset.. Too upset.. I want to talk to my good friends and want to spend the rest of my day just thinking about wonderful things we do together.. I don't know why I sometimes feel so bad!!

May be its because my best friend is going away for 13 days!! That she would be too busy and I won't be able to talk to her as and when I want to!!

Its her cousin's wedding and she would be too busy with all the ceremonies and here I am attending to my mood swings!! Without her it becomes even more difficult to handle all this.. Its not that I am any less close to the rest of them but I feel this way whenever anyone of them goes away.. Oh, I hate to feel this way.. This makes me realise the fact that we would be walking on our different routes within the next few months and may be we would be separated by great distances and we would not find time for each other.. The very thought scares the hell out of me.. Bring tears in my eyes..

I wonder if one day none of us finds time to stop and say a 'Hi' from our busy schedule.. I can't imagine the day!!! I love it when I know what my friends are doing and I love it when they know what I am up to.. Its such a great feeling of caring and being cared for that I never wanna loose it for anything.. I wish we always take out time from our busy schedules to talk to each other, if not daily then at least twice a week.. I wish for things but who knows what is in store for us.. I just wish its the best and we still stay in touch..

But right now all I want is that she comes back soon.. All this while, since the day she told me that she is going away, I wanted her not to go.. I secretly wished that something comes up and she cancel going there.. I loved it when she said one half of her wanna go but other half wanna stay here, with me.. Its the best feeling when someone makes you feel so special.. I just wish that these days pass by as I blink and she stands besides me like she always does.. I think she is some sister separated at birth, a 'Siamese twins' or something as we can feel each others pain and happiness too..

How often we need a topic to talk about to people we really like??

I was wondering about my conversation with most of my friends, it starts with a 'Hi, How are you?' What were you doing?' And then we start with details of what we did all day before we connected via, whatever be the medium.. So I wonder what all do we talk about?


Its the entire days summary starting with the time I woke up and then what all I did and then what all I saw and then what I would do next.. Who others I talked to in the day.. Anything interesting and so on .. As both parties finish off with these trivial details, we juggle with various other stuffs like what all happened on that particular day and what did you dream of? Yes, its fun talking about what you want, what you hope for and what did you dream of last night and we love to recreate the entire sequence of events.. Its fun and a great imaginative exercise..


We also keep saying 'and?' 'AND?' in quick succession but we don't feel we are done.. This is what happens when we are talking to the one we like talking to.. We are never busy for them and we feel its the most important call of our life and we must take it.. The thought of saying - 'Busy right now, would call you later' , wouldn't even cross our mind but when you hear this line too often, I would say you should conclude that the person doesn't want to talk to you and is trying to find an out without actually hurting you.. Well the last line isn't true.. You are ought to get hurt and I would rather call it subtle hints for you to fall back as someday you would hear it from them yourself..



Thus, if you mean anything to that person.. If being with you gives them joy, they would always make up things to talk about rather than cite a mental thought process termination as a reason to stop talking to you and won't keep repeating there isn't anything to talk about either.. [The last line hold only if said at more than 3 instances, I like to give them a benefit of doubt.. I know I am too fair]..[;)]

My 'It won't help if you Fret' theory..[;)]

I wonder why is everyone so serious 24x7.. Why they just can't take things lightly.. I don't know why they make a big deal out of everything?

We are having our first placement drive this February.. Yes, the first chance to land ourselves a job and yes it is a big deal but why so tensed?? Why carry that look around as if the world would end if you wouldn't carry that frown and you ought to save the world as you are the good..[:D]
I mean talk to anyone and they are all so tensed about the placement drive, its not that it would help.. What to read, how to prepare, what to wear and so many more questions, I feel I would just loose all the will to face interview questions if this continues for a few more days..!!

Its not that I want it any less than others but, you know, I have a different theory.. Yeah, one more theory.. Lets call it 'It wont help to fret!!'... All around me suddenly become all serious and brooding whenever they have any big event coming up, some even fret even on the mention of a class test, who on earth cares for that.. I am also sincere and I do submit my work on time and do give tests and papers but I never behave like the Prime Minister of a warring nation!!

I believe in my 'It wont help to fret' and I move around as if I am shielded even if the entire world is falling apart.. Small things never break my spirit.. I can talk extensively even if I am not prepared for my exam I am headed to take.. Come on, you can't be prepared from an unprepared state by fretting or just going through things at the last minute. .Its better to keep your calm and use your calm mind to give logical and sensible answers than writing a few mugged sentences without any knowledge about them.. You wouldn't score this way for sure but some logical answer with some common sense and little knowledge you have is surely a good bet.. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain, so I take it as a chance to learn and not cry about the excuses I can give for not being prepared to face the situation.. Why pretend to be strong when you can always cry.. Why hide ypur pain when it can be soothed by a few tender words?? I would rather speak up and let it go then fret and shed hair.. I think losing hair is worse than shedding a few drops of tears.. Don't you think? Crying would help you get rid of the dirt in your eyes but loosing a few strands would lead you to another fretting situation and believe me its a vicious cirlce, just like the vicious circle of poverty we read about in class 9 that would never let you get out of its grip.. So better run for your life and look young and full of life.. Even the literal sense would have the same effects.. [;)]

Bonding between girls..

I always felt that girls are better at bonding with others and the bond is stronger when it is between two girls.. Look around and you can cite a great number of girls that are bounded too well to each other.. I am very attached to my girl friends and I can't imagine to go on without them.. They are my 'support system'.. The four pillars of my strength, yes, there has been an addition to my support system..

Yanks, the new entrant may be a young thing but is as good at understanding and caring as any other of them.. She understands me and cares for me and can really know what I want and what I feel despite whatever I say.. [Yes, like any other girl, I say and mean different things]..

Yanks makes me realise the importance of things and yes she too has added her individuality to my persona.. I can now see a few things through her eyes too and I can now appreciate one more point of view, another prospective.. We love and respect each other, we share thoughts, dreams and our expectations.. We ask for each other's advice, while she adds another well thought over streak in my deeds and thoughts, I bring in the necessary aggression and randomness.. The craze and uncertainty.. I am strangely different and uncertain and yes, I am proud of it.. My view may be different but it surely isn't wrong..

The point is a girl has better communication skills and can really express self well.. I need more time to speak out my mind in emotional situations, I love my shell, don't wanna share somethings with the world, but I can let down the guards when I am talking to my 'support system'.. I am sure most would agree.. Someone once said that girls are emotionally stronger as they can talk freely with their friends and share feelings and feel less vulnerable, while guys just hang out together and seldom talk about their feelings.. TRUE..
I agree with this generalisation he drew.. Yes, we have an advantage on this front.. We can cry and speak our heart out and feel better and thus we can really get a bitter experience out of our system sooner.. We are less likely to be left with the pain in heart as someone [a dear gal] would make us talk our heart out and feel better.. No doubt guys also cheer up their friends but they don't encourage you to talk about it and even if in some rare situation they do, the guy hurt doesn't wanna open up.. The girls would hear you, give suggestions, agree with you and your point of view, even call the other person causing pain some names and even curse them swear to kick his/her ass for you and laugh about it some other day.. Its such an evolving process and pain does withers away and soon it becomes bearable..


The best way to cheer up would be bitching about a common object of hatred.. Yes, we love it and we do love to keep ourselves updated with all the happenings in our surroundings and this word of mouth has more credibility than that 'fact' being stated in the paper..[:D] We believe our source and we pass on the information to our trusted friends and thus we all are updated.. No doubt the men call us the gossip mongers but they are no less in spreading rumours and details of others personal lives but we girls bond over such conversations while they just love to be aware of a happening just not to feel left out!! Agree with me guys, you don't bond on this aspect and you would pass on the information to a larger group than all of us taken together.. We love to keep it in the group and thus you can never confront us..[:D]

Keeping the humour aside, we have a better understanding of behavioural patterns so we love to categorise people and we like drawing comparisons between lives of people.. We analyse the situation for our friend who isn't in a state of mind to judge.. We take the responsibility and deal with things as if they were our own problems and we never feel tired to lend a helping hand so this explains the fact that why we have a best girls friend and not a guy best friend.. Guys too mostly share feelings with a girl.. Its a fact, just like we gel more when we hate the same thing than liking the same thing..[;)]

[Note : Photos courtesy various sources ]

Some coincidences..

I always wonder about these few things that happen almost every year.. I wonder if there is some synchronisation between these events and the weather.. What am I talking about?? Well, just spare a few minutes and take a look at the strange happenings below :

1. Why does it always get cold on January, 26? There hasn't been a single January 26 since I was a kid [the limitation of human memory implies here too] that wasn't foggy.. The morning is too cold with lost of fog and by the time its 12, we get a nice sunshine.. It seems its a part of the preparation for the Republic day parade.. Yesterday it was quite warm and it wasn't this foggy but now look at today, its too cold and it was foggy too.. Its good to see the Rashtrapati Bhawan through a thin layer of fog but why is this always the case?

2. Why is Christmas always accompanied by intense cold wave? Just like the case of January 26, December 25 is also too cold and windy.. No matter how much the winter seem delayed even till December 24, but it suddenly gets cold on the 25th!! It seems the situations long ago during the time of Christ's birth are always re-created.. It is too cold and we have to get all the woollens out from there resting place to keep ourselves warm..

3. Why it always rains on August 15? The monsoon may be delayed, there may be little monsoon in a year but hardly any Independence day goes without a drizzle.. We always see the Prime Minister walking with an umbrella to unfold the Tricolor.. The location and weather remaining constant, we can only see the various Prime Ministers change over due course of time..

I don't have much problem with the Rains but I do not like this cold and windy winter climate.. I am too susceptible to cold and I wish we had little or warmer winters though it were a windy winters this time while the last year we did get a zero temperature [that's what was the recorded night temperature one particular night last winters].. I am happy that its time for spring and soon we can pack all the woollens away..[:)]