Team outing..

It was a happy Friday after putting in lots of effort throughout the week to meet deadlines and finish work. It even more happy Friday because it was a team outing day, a day when we all go out and just have fun together and bond well with each other. It not only gave opportunities to know your own team mates, but also an opportunity to interact with other teams working and coordinating on various aspects of the products.

I had put the alarm of 5:30, I also went to bed early, the alarm also went out in time, but it’s too difficult to get up so early in the morning when your body still feels a little tired. I snoozed the alarm till 6 and soon fell asleep. The alarm went off again and I dragged myself out of the bed though 80% of me wanted to still lie and sleep while 20%of me knew that it’s time to get up, bathe n get ready.

So I got up, letting the 20% win against democratic voting laws. I brushed my teeth, put on music to open my eyes and heat the milk and prepare the corn flakes breakfast. I thought of taking a quick bath, but as always took a little more than expected and came out running while my sweet colleague waited patiently for me to show up. I got dressed in a hurry and ran to the bus stop where she was waiting for me in an auto. We went to the office and then, boarded the bus to our destination.

The journey to the destination, a golf resort was nice and fun. It involved a little of singing and enacting film’s names. We finally reached the destination and a quick breakfast was followed by a tug of war. But it was too sunny for an outdoor games event. I was sweating like a goat. I tried to find a properly air-conditioned corner in the resort but I guess it was put down because of the maintenance work there. I tried to take up some sport but couldn’t find company. I am not really too good at sports, especially the indoor ones. I wanted to play badminton but since I had no partner, I had no choice. I could have just hanged at the court and asked ever few minutes if I can play, but that’s not really me. I feel too awkward doing it. I am not really an introvert, but I feel people aren’t really cool with a bugger, so I chose not to intervene. The players on the badminton court were known to me, but most of the time, they try to corner me out for not being a good player. They’ll all want to play with a pro and not a naive like me. Sometimes I feel bad, because I never do it anyone, and I understand the basic logic that everything takes a little time to come to you. You can pick up a sport, maybe slower than others, but if you try, you can. Bored and sweaty, I started looking for a place to sit.  After actually lying at the reception area for close to half an hour, I got company of a few bored guys like me. They hanged out with me for like 10 minutes and thought of going to the play area. I decided to follow suit.

I finally went to the playing area where my team mates were playing this indoor version of football with a ball and 11 plastic players controlled by a set of 4 bars for each team. It’s a game for 4 and one of my sweet team mate called me to play the game with them. We played it, then went on to play air hockey and then went on to play squash till some wanted to just get rid of me and play. I find it a mean behaviour, so what if I don’t know much about how to play the game, but I want to try my hands and maybe pick it up. Squash is a game I really like but never really got an opportunity to play and I just didn’t like their attitude of telling me that since I don’t know how to play, I should get moving. You could have played it all this while or after I am done. But this time I refused to buzz off and continued playing. By the end of something like 40 minutes, I was able to pick a few basics of the game and came out wanting to take up the game, I didn’t want to let go of the experience just because some people thought I didn’t had the right to play because I don’t know how to play.

Anyways, we left for lunch. I met these two girls at lunch who were sweet and we instantly became kind of friends because we hit the right chords. She is a pretty, but she didn’t have those airs about self. We gelled well and then pretty much hung out together. We went for a bike ride around the entire resort. It was fun cycling on those up-hill and down-hill roads. I was seriously having fun in her company. We cycled almost like 5 kms, we almost got lost and we had a  real nervous moment when we realised the lovely mountaineering bikes don’t have a bell, so we were shouting at each merger with a main road to warn someone that we were coming. :D

It was a real fun and exhausting activity. It was more like a friendly thing than I had with my team. In my team, I like 5 people a lot. Rest are fine and a few I don’t really like, but no hatred here. I just guess they don’t really approve of me and kind of treat me as an outsider. I want to feel like a part now, no more of being treated like a foreign material deserving allergic reactions. L

We went back in bus and i didn't get a seat with my team mates. The new friend I made asked me to join their group where they were also playing the enacting the name of a film game, but in a smaller group. It was pretty dull in the beginning, but then we picked it up like anything. In the beginning we gave easy movies from Bollywood to opponent team who weren’t really Hindi speaking, but the enthusiasm they had, the passion they had for the game was awesome. They would relate the Hindi word to some local language word or English word and enact. It was such a good feeling see cultures mix. But as we moved more into the Hollywood movies, it became a fast paced and fun. It ended up being more fun than the big group playing it back there and we bonded much better than the big group. A genuine good byes when people got down was a pleasant sight. I also got lots of love from all of them as I leaved the bus for home. I wish I got this warmth from my team as well. But I guess the purpose for going to the resort was solved by picking a little of squash and making a little more good friends who genuinely like you and don’t care about your drawbacks as you really can’t be a master at everything. You suck at a few.. some more than others. :P

Wrap up 2 - Ditched and lessons learnt.. Too many lessons, too soon..

As you know by now, I took up the HCL job and joined it in December. I was really happy to see an old college mate there. She had the consecutive roll number to mine in college. Seeing some known face in a crowd of strangers gives a strange reassurance that you aren’t alone in this phase of life where a number of things are changing. She knew a few more people there and before I could realise I was a part of a group, having fun and hanging out. The one month of induction was all about a hell lot of fun.

After December induction training was over, we were assigned to different domains. I and that girl got the domain no one wanted. Well that is when I saw favouritism playing an important role in corporate world. I think I learned the lesson way too sooner than thought. [I was taking movies as the reference point here] Well finally there I was in a domain that no one wanted to work in, though it turned out to be a fine field to work in later. But that was when I realised, friendship and staying together was all meaningless in this world of competition where everyone wants to be on the top, where everyone was way too keen to climb up the ladder of corporate world. She was trying to get her domain changed to security and didn’t even tell me. Was it the fear of me also wanting the same and acting like a competition for the so called single vacancy in security domain? I still can’t figure it out, if you want it and you are trying for it, then why hide it from a friend? Well what really hurt me wasn’t her wanting something she thought was better for self but it was the fact that she went to talk to the HR and when I asked her where she was going, she lied to me. She lied again when she got the call from HR to tell her that her request has been approved and she has to join the other office the very next day, I was with her during her conversation with the HR but she didn’t tell me. Come on now, I can’t take it away from you now. You have already got it.

The next day I went to office and people were asking me where she was and I was lying to save her. Then one guy laughed at me and said, she is in security domain now, working in other office, we know you are lying to save a friend, but your friend ditched you. I was hurt and I was angry. I wanted to prove the guy wrong and tell him that I know my friends, so I called her up. I asked her if she was in other office to join the security domain. She said a ‘yes’.. I was shocked and hurt and felt deceived. She asked me how did I know about it? I told her people told me and I know you got the call last night when I was with you. I even asked you why HR was calling you but you didn’t tell me. She still lied telling me she just came to know this morning, but still it is no excuse for not telling me first hand. She just accepted it when I called her to ask, probably because she couldn’t lie now.

Anyways, I moved on and it’s needless to say we aren’t really friends now.

But I did learn the valuable lesson that it is difficult to find friends in workplace where environments are really hostile and people think that they can move up only by displacing and out running others. But I feel there is enough space at the top as well and that it isn’t really a pyramid, but a tree that has many spots at the top.

I also learned that this crazy ambition to be the lone occupant of the top slot even alienates friends..!!

cooking for self and flatmate

Living alone is both a blessing as well as a pain. The fun part is you get to make your own decisions, you can come and go as and when you feel like and the new found independence gives you a lot of privacy to discover self, your weaknesses stare you in the face and you overcome them with your existing strengths or you develop a mechanism to grow some solution and backup for these problems. You also learn to manage budgets and become money-wise.

Well I guess I am running out of pluses right now, but right now I can easily count the negatives of living alone. The budget always acts as a constrain, I keep wondering where did all the money go every time I see my balance. This isn’t the only problem. You have to feed yourself and even a maid or cook can’t really help as your dependency on them makes you feel crippled if they don’t show up even for a single day and you also end up cursing them, which is again a bad habit to pick.

Generally my flatmate takes care of cooking, but she is out again and today too, I am going to cook. I am getting a little more confident with cooking now. After cooking I’ll catch up ‘Final Destination’ on television. J

Daily Journal

Just wasn't feeling like going to office today. It’s not like I don't like going to office but I was so deeply engrossed in the movie that I didn’t want to miss it for anything in the world. Ok, I agree I am exaggerating, but I really wanted to see it to the end. So there I was waiting in breaks and looking at the watch and completely forgetting about it during the time it was on.. :P

I even thought of calling in sick, but then felt it wasn’t really worth it. What the hell would I do the rest of the day..!! On a serious note it was more a feeling of not doing anything towards the final goals in your life. I am more of a restless and hyperactive person and doing nothing kind of freaks me out. The call in sick was just a momentary thing.. :P

Anyways, so I finally watched the movie and went to office. I reached the office, started with the day’s jobs and then this guy walked up to me and told me the blunder I have done.. I know you aren’t getting what I am saying, so let’s go back in flashback.

Back to October 7, 2011 [you thought it was long way back in past, didn’t you.. :P], I got a cubicle, my own place in the office. I didn’t have any permanent my seat till that day, so it was a great deal of thing. This seat was occupied by someone else before me, so it still had a few machines and stuffs lying around. I asked if I could get rid of all those machines and set up my systems there. I got the nod and got to work. Set up my new desk. Get all the accesses and working from it, though, some of the things are still pending, but all was so good and new. I like the seat as well, it is nice and has a little privacy as well, so it’s cool.. ;)

Back to present, he is a little angry because, it was his machines and he needed them to be running. I took permission, but then, none of us was aware of the importance of the machines. But, what’s done is done and I can’t take it back. I can’t take away the pain of setting it up again and running the processes. Learnt an important lesson, never unplug any machine that is running before you got into that spot.

Rest of the day was more like a hyper active day and I was just dancing to my favorite songs all through the day. It feels good to keep dancing and not worrying at all about anything. I know one thing for sure, I like working here. And I love the way I can sing a song out loud, though some people make the “sush” voice, but I guess it’s alright as long as I don’t sing out loud, I can dance and keep working. No one really bothers as long as you are working. J

Some of the works are still pending for me to resume working normally but I guess they’ll be done soon and I would be back on my feet sooner than I thought. ;)

[I just got the confirmation for the approval of the little issues I had and I can work effectively now] J

A little wrap up....

I haven't written for a while, but that doesn't mean I wasn't really feeling anything or not getting any new experiences.. In the past year, I have graduated from my engineering college and have switched two jobs and moved away from Delhi to Bangalore..!!

Yeah, I also know that two jobs in less than an year is way too much. But I guess being in the wrong place is worse.. I was more than too stressed in the last few months of engineering.. Had lots of hatred for lots of people.. Lost the "so called friends" to be left with only "Real friends". I was apprehensive about finding a job, fretting about the future, wondering if pursuing a MBA was a better choice than my choice of getting a job right now.. [I know I get way too many decision time cramps, but I guess it isn't that uncommon for the rest of the people]..

Recalling it all, I wonder at the anxiety levels I had, though I always pretend to be way too cool to worry.. But then the truth is I was nervous and anxious, [I know, I have grown up in terms of taking responsibility for my actions and choices] and I can admit it now, thanks to the new found confidence.
[Yeah, I guess I was a little on the side of being over confident with strong undertones of being ignorant]. I gave my first interview in February. It was a joint campus recruitment process [and the only one in which my college would participate], I was kind of over confident and too rigid and tough. I cleared the written exam [ I know lot of people there couldn't believe I made it to the list]. I don't think people thought I wasn't intelligent, but people do thought I wasn't serious enough to care to prepare. The truth is, I really didn't prepare. It was an easy paper and not having the pressure to perform maybe made me come out a winner, after all it was just easy elementary maths..

Anyways, I always knew that campus recruitment is the easy way to job market. It generally doesn't have a rigorous technical round and the number of aspiring candidates are from the same background, people whose capabilities you are aware of and the best part, the college name doesn't matter as you all belong to the same level, no one is from a better college.
It was an Infosys drive, I was called for interview, but I guess my honesty killed me there. I was giving my biased answers, my thoughts rather than the well knows "Yes Sirs" and the familiar nodding in with the interviewer even if you have a different stand on the subject. I still don't consider changing any of it. [ You may say, its because I have a good job now, but trust me, I didn't regret doing any of it then as well].. It was more than an year back and I still remember all the answers I said to his questions. He wanted to know if I would take decisions [Yeah, my most dreaded area, an area I generally don't like to explore in anxiety].. I can't explain without quoting the question.
He had asked me a situational question-"you are in Delhi, your parents are there in Jaipur and want you to come there as soon as possible. How would you proceed? What would you do?"
The obvious and interview time answer would be, "I would catch the first plane to Jaipur and go.." How convenient. If asked to elaborate, you would tell you would inquire about the available flight and if nothing is available for the next 6 hours [which is approx. the time taken by car/bus to reach Jaipur], you would take the bus or train.. [Trying to show that you weighed the options].. If I knew the answers, then why didn't I say so? You can call it my habit of doing thing my way or being adamant, but the thing is the answer I wrote above isn't the way I think or approach things. If I said so, got selected, I guess he didn't hire me, but someone who would give the popular google answers. [Yes, I also turn to google for answers and over the last year I have realised the Google potential to influence learning, but sometimes the answer should come from you, the solutions to problems are based on situations and something that was a hit for others might not be a hit for you.] So I still feel that people who want to hear google answers should in fact hire google.
What answer did I give? Well I said.. I'll call my parents to know "Why they want me there in the first place?" I am no movie star to just run to catch a plane. I would then weigh my options, both in terms of finances and time spans and then decide my mode of commuting between the places. And he thought I was indecisive and didn't hire me. No problem, he got people who won't think twice, would just run to any random place catching flights for even the minutest of issues that can be resolved on phone, saving time and money.  I don't hold grudges, but still not being hired because of a lame reason like this felt bad. I was upset and even considered saying the answers that would please the ears of people, the answers I call 'Google answers'. But, I decided against it. [See I can very well take decisions..lolz]

Anyways, the next chance for interview came much later in August. It was for HCL Technologies. It was through an online exam conducted via some organisation AMCAT. I cleared the written and then went for the interview. It was long queue and lots of wait later, I finally got in.. I hate such interviews where you are competing with people from all over India. [The elite colleges aren't there but then there are thousands of others from colleges like you and the scary part is you can't guess there potential to boost self].. Anyways, we went in for the technical group discussion. Yeah, and that too in a computers subject, which you didn't read, [I was an electronics and communication student] so it was a disaster though I tried correlating stuffs.. But I guess it was bound to happen, I wasn't shortlisted.

Then came my next chance in September. I was called for interview at Ericsson's. It was a dream to work there for all the ECE students. I was happy. The mail didn't detail the fact that interview would be conducted the same day as written and thus I went in casuals without my mark sheets.. There I wrote the exam again, cleared it again with great score and there I was 2nd in line for the interview. The interview was more than 30 minutes long for the first girl and people were staring at me as I was the only one in casuals and about to go in for interview. I was getting nervous now. I wasn't properly dressed for the interview and I wasn't carrying my mark sheets. The first girl came out, said the guy is too strict. I was even more nervous now. I somehow went in After the initial greetings my interview started. It was a going good technically but my body language was a little too nervous and I was lacking confidence. It was a stress interview and I had my break down. I cried. Interview ended after I answered the question right. The HR was announcing the results and then asking people to either leave or sign the documents stating they were hired. He announced my name and asked me to wait as he wanted to talk to me. He asked about the interview and then he asked me if everything was fine and if I had some family problems for having a break down. I didn't lie. I could have, but I felt it wasn't necessary. He then gave me a very valuable feedback, something that would change the way I would appear in any interview there after.. He told me that I was too good, too technically sound and I should have been confident, not worrying about not being in formals or not carrying my mark sheets.. Sometimes the greatest opportunities walk your way when you are least prepared, so always keep your calm and have faith in your knowledge. He asked me if I were him, would I hire self? I could have said the "Pursuit of happiness" kind of answer, but I nodded a NO. Its the truth, I wouldn't have hired that version of me, probably a positive reaction from my side would have helped me get hired, but I guess I wasn't still prepared. Then he also said, you were good, but you can't handle too much of pressure I guess and wished me luck for the future. He didn't hire me, but I don't think he was wrong, as he wasn't really expecting the known answers but wanted me to show I learnt the lesson.

Well, it was November and I was still jobless and directionless.. I then got another call from HCL. This time it was for the Infosystems branch rather than technologies. I went there wearing a casual shirt over jeans. I cleared round one than two and then round three was technical. I was a little freaked but then talking to a fellow interview candidate made me calmer and I rocked the interview. I then cleared the HR round and I was finally hired in November and the joining was in December.